JOLYN CY♥
blessed (:

take me to the sky

9:38 PM Jonathan Tan's quite nice/emo/nostalgic post :D & no I am not touched, not that touched ^.-

A Dandelion’s Promise
November 5th, 2007

“Every girl in your life teaches you something about yourself.”

You’ve grown to try to avoid such a soft statement - one which would inevitably come to me right at the end to have the last laugh. Perhaps you have forgotten about the girl next door when you were 6 who moved to the other end of the world; maybe that childhood playmate of yours may no longer exist amidst your current life; how about that sweet, pretty girl’s birthday party you went for?

‘No,’ you claim with such dignified will.

Sure, they no longer matter to you, or they might have been an embarrassing memory – such as the time your mum took you over to her place to have afternoon tea, those years where you actually touched a doll set. Maybe someday you’ll meet again, but chances are you never will.

You look upon them with such unfamiliarity. But the memories stare back at you like how a cougar mother would to her cubs.

You remember yourself buying roses on Valentines’ because everyone else was doing the same, giving it to their friends and all who you thought were their girlfriends. You couldn’t find yourself a girl at all, so you gave it to this random girl in your class, leaving in a sweet note with your immaculate handwriting which said ‘Happy Valentine’s’ even though you hardly understood the reason for your actions.

You recall yourself pleading with your mother to enroll you for Mathematics tuition even though you were good at math, just so you could take chances and sit beside her and make friends, even though she could’ve found your stigmatic behaviour disturbing. You didn’t care about your mother’s money, all you wanted was to say ‘Hi’ to her; but you never did.

You remember back then in primary school when you wanted to join Choir because of this sweet girl who smelt like a thousand lilies and roses combined. Your buddy joined the Choir because of her as well, she was the beau in the eyes of all the guys in school and you were but one of them. You know you couldn’t sing, let alone hit a proper D-note. Yet you volunteered to sing for Children’s Day because she would be there.

Years later, you take a drag and indulge yourself with songs like Mr. Brightside, watching chick flicks and go on dates with them just because you thought ‘they meant something’ to you. You sweep in and out of crushes just like every normal, healthy pubescent would. Such adolescence, you presume, giving promises to them that you can’t keep, such as the likes of marrying each other at 25, being there to listen to them cry out their woes about how another jerk dumped them for a hotter chick – then wonder if being the nice guy is really all that worth it when you jolly well know you’ll finish last after countless heartbreaks.

Then at long last, thinking that you have finally met what they all call ‘Love’, you confuse yourself with past experiences that ought to be forgotten. A close, trusting friend of yours who had learnt the hard way advises you,

“People come and go, don’t let them linger.”

Yet you shrug her off saying,

“It is precisely because those that do come will go, you let them. For if they return they are yours to keep forevermore, and those who don’t were never yours in the first place.”

Saying it gave you such an unbelievably strong, philosophical belief and confidence you have never had in yourself before. You were sure it isn’t the work of Cupid, nor did Saint Valentine poison your food with love potion. You remain confused about what you said, because none of it made sense to you, but the conviction in saying it doused the air like a heavy mist of cologne.

Yet five months later, that ‘Love’ disappears, and you stop talking to her.

You grow up eventually, hitting a ripe age, looking back on all your misadventures in your pursuit of the other half. You start to think that it’s no longer about the ‘Number Game’. But about whom the one you truly love is. Your past experiences leave you amidst a voided feeling in your heart.

You succumb to your needs, your alpha male ego put aside, and pick up that Self-Help which you thought had always been an insult to intelligence.

All it read on the first page,

“When in doubt, love.”