JOLYN CY♥
blessed (:

take me to the sky

11:44 PM LETS TALK BOUT FRIDAY.
wow. i was so not in a great mood.
feeling dam sad bout STUFF i wun mention.
NOTICE. its SAD. not pissed.
had lessons.
and chacha. tried to smile to lisa alot.
considering that i was reli feeling down.
then blahblah.
had to comeup with some dance.
my group's messedup but nvm.
then some members werent reli great.
like. if they dun like the steps i come up with then just comment.
they dun hav to reject it immediately.
there goes my EGO man.
wasnt reli interested for the remaining time to comeup with anything else.
so that's some of my pissifyingness.
so 90% sad. 10% pissed.
then life went on.
end of sch.
yanshan and casslyn were leaving together.
apparently casslyn had commented that i was staying back.
which i didnt. so she was wrong. i nvr told her i was staying back so maybe she should stop assuming.
then yanshan and casslyn waited for me.
then 'we' went off.
like. yanshan and casslyn were talking together in front of me. walking.
so i had to stay behind. since my presence wasnt needed.
then qinyan called me. said she was staying back to prac. netball shooting with ruoxi.
my 2 great teammates. they so hardworking.
so i passed qinyan the netball carn 'shooting' instructions i just got that day.
then. i went off.
realising that my presence wasnt needed and wasnt NOTICED.
yanshan and casslyn was pratically miles in front of me.
still walking and chatting away.
then i started to rmb the past.
when they would wait for me. at least they used to care.
but now. forget it.
then i told myself since they din want my presence. i might as well leave them on their own.
so walked to the gate myself.
was 85% sad. 15% pissed.
i guess everytime im pissed and depressed at the same time.
i always hav to look pissed so that ppl will be angry with me for being pissed off.
rather than hav ppl sympathy me.when im sad.
i just need to do that. somehow.
no one ever understands. why. i just hate this life.
deception and disguise. UGH.
but im quite successful huh. make ppl avoid and HMMPH me.
then had to see them at the traffic light.
so i stood a distance away.
they were eating the guides chocolate cookies.
yanshan offered me one.
fyi. i dun like artificial chocolate. nvm.
so i din take 'em.
casslyn was pigging like crazy.
shouldnt she watch herself or sth.
then green light came on.
so walked in frnt. faster than them.
taking out my ipod mini.
listening to why cant i. extraordinary. avril lavigne. true. blah.
music was switched on pretty loud as usual.
kaili should know how loud. ha.
then got into the same bus as yanshan and casslyn.
so i was in the middle where there's the roundround thing to stand.
and they were sitting in front ov me.
hmm. and yanshan said in her blog they were behind. errorerror.nvm.
anyway. yanshan mentioned that they said loudly they were going to stop at douby ghaut.
fyi. i was litening to reli loud music on my ipod mini.
i guess they werent louder than my music anyway.
so i just got off at orchard as usual.
then its my fault again.
anyway. then sat the mrt.
yanshan and casslyn saw me at cityhall but i didnt see them so heck.
then at kembangan saw yanshan wen the train was going off.
was half going to smile but the train had already moved away from her.
so its my fault again.
then saw casslyn and elizabeth snr at simei mrt.
elizabeth seems to be dao-ing alot. nvm.
decided to walk home alone. since i wasnt reli in the mood to see ppl who dun like me. [i usually walk home with yeesiang.]
instead of taking the bus.
then my laces had to go off halfway.
walked to the nearest bus stop and tied them up.
walked on.
for a longlong time.
then realised my handphone and wallet was gone. i left them at the BUSSTOP.
when i was tying my laces.
so i was running all the way back. half crying.
not becoz of the wallet and the hp. but just becuz.
i was feeling relireli tired and sick and sad.
lucky no one saw it yet. and lucky i ran. cuz some ppl came to the bus stop after i got my stuff.
then i was half crying on the way home. all puffy red and everything.
rmb-ed my promise to both dage and kunni.
decided not to cry anymore.
so i went home.
hmm. guess it wasnt a great day.
then tuition at night.
half of the girls din turn up. so the 3 of us left decide to study in a seperate class from the guys.
since i wasnt reli too gay i just followed the girls.
then was supposed to go to tampines mart with kaili to meet her baobei.
he din turn up.
and we waited for 1hour plus.
and kaili was stalling for time alot b4 we left for tampines mart.
that guy din come cuz he was partying b4 that for his b'dae and felt tired.
hmm. nvm.
but on his blog he actually onli mentioned that kaili waited for him.
wad am i? some freako idiot.
i guess i dun reli mean anything to him. i dun even know him. ugh.
then blah. went home.at bout 11.
and i walked alot again.
all the way from tampines mart back to the tuition centre's bus stop where i always go home from.
not reli in a gay mood to wait for buses again.
and walking reli helps me to think through stuff.
decided i couldnt walk home from the bus stop. so took bus.
alot of ppl were staring at me.
i guess u dun see 13 yr old kiddos on the bus at 11plus often.


read yanshan's blog.
mentioned her realising some 'real' freako and saying she's blind. she's disgusted. and scolding the girl stuck-up. leech. getting attention from the popular ppl.
HMMM. i dunno. sounds directed to me somehow.
probably bout me gettin friendly with felicia or sth?
fyi. fel isnt super popular or sth.
i just feel this thing with her that's all.
and. yea. just that weird feeling with her.
she just reminds me of qinying.
who is my best fren.
and yea. she relireli resembles qinying in character.
and qinying must be my only girlfriend or sth. her mum too.
in the past and now.

wadever. i dun feel like bothering myself with the whole wide world.
i just wanna stick to that corner in the closet and close myself shut from everyone else.
i miss primary sch life. INNOCENCE. and IMMATURITY. and just that plainess.
SHUT UP. i DUN WANNA HEAR ANYTHING ELSE. JUST KEEP UR TRAP TO URSELF.
IF U DUN WANNA CARE.FINE. I DUN WANT EUU TO CARE ANYMORE.
I JUST WANT THE GOOD OLD TIMES.
I JUST WANT TRUE PEOPLE.
I JUST WANT QINYING AND HER MUM.
I HATE MYSELF.